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Author Topic: Reminding kids constantly-blended family  (Read 333 times)


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Reminding kids constantly-blended family
« on: December 31, 2018, 04:30:23 pm »
Is it all kids that constantly forget to turn off lights, leave clothes on the floor despite a hamper being 5 feet away, forget chores they've been doing for probably about 2 years now, and all these kinds of things? I'm a little more laid back about things most of the time, but this is getting ridiculous. My husband is tired of getting after the kids, I'm tired of it too and he says he barely wants to be home because of how much he feels he has to get after the kids. I do also get after them for forgetting to do things or having them clean up after themselves. It is worse when they come back from my ex because they don't have any chores there. Their daily chores are easy.

They are 10 and 6. Most of the time my 6 year old actually remembers to feed the dog and give water to the outside cats. When she gets back from her dad's, not so much. My 10 year old had pet mice and she constantly forgot to check on their food and water. They died (but due to being sick, not her neglect). She wanted a hamster, but I told her she had to start feeding one of our dogs to show she is responsible. Then we had to remind her every single day, twice a day...so we gave up and had my 6 year old go back to it since she usually remembers.

They have chores listed in the kitchen, plus have been doing these chores for about 2 years now. They've had a hamper between their bedrooms for over 2 years now and yet my 10 year old will still leave clothes on her bedroom floor. Oddly enough my 6 year old isn't as bad about that. They leave lights on, just today THREE times my husband had to get after them for leaving either the living room or kitchen light on. I was upstairs working on some art so not downstairs to catch it. We have them pick up sticks in the yard and more often than not, they end up leaving some big ones sitting in the yard and have to go back out and do it again. We have to constantly monitor when they sweep around the house (obviously with the 6 year old especially) and they only do it once a week. The majority of their chores are just once a week so it's not like they constantly are doing chores. They often leave stuff sitting on the coffee table or kitchen table and we take it away for awhile. We used to throw stuff away but I don't want to throw away useful stuff.

At one time they were getting so bad about stuff, we moved all their stuff aside from clothes and beds, into another room so they didn't have anything. They had to earn their stuff back. After awhile my 6 year old just didn't care anymore about her stuff so I took it to Goodwill and she didn't care. I think this is because they are SO spoiled by my ex and his family, they constantly buy toys and crap for them, they had so much stuff everywhere that they just don't find any value in anything. We can't seem to punish for anything by taking stuff away because they go to my ex's and have stuff. Even when we tell him we have them punished, half the time he doesn't follow through there. He says he will, but then we find out they went and did something fun.

I just feel like I'm at a loss. My husband is getting frustrated, I do everything I can think of, I even tell him that kids tend to be that way sometimes, forgetful and not perfect. I tell the kids we really need to work on making sure things are done and finished. I get after the kids, he gets after the kids, and it feels like we never get to do anything fun with them because they are constantly forgetting things or not finishing the chore properly. I feel like I am having to on one hand get after them more because my husband feels like he's doing it all, or telling him maybe on this or that we need to relax a little. It's constantly back and forth like I can't make anyone happy. I know it's hard for him being a stepparent, it's hard raising kids anyway, but some days I just really don't know what to do.

I feel like when the kids go to my ex, they have no chores, and not a lot of restrictions so that makes it that much harder on us. He gets to take them on all these fun trips and do fun things because he has them weekends and for a week here and there in the summer (and over this Christmas break) and we have to do the day to day things and keep after them to become responsible people so there is little time to do fun things. I worry all the time they are going to look back and be mad at me and my husband for being too strict, but if we don't ever make them responsible people they will grow up to be a mess. They'll grow up to not know how to care for themselves, maintain a household, be responsible for anything or whatever. Sometimes I'm tired of being a parent and wish I hadn't had kids. Life could be a lot easier, but I do love my kids and sometimes wish I had one kid with my husband. Sometimes I feel like he's too hard on them, but other times I think maybe I've been too soft in the past so I screwed up. I just don't know what to do.

Any ideas for dealing with this situation? My husband has been in my kids' lives for 4 years now. We've been married over a year and living together over 2 years. We still haven't managed to make things easier when dealing with the kids. What should we do?

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Re: Reminding kids constantly-blended family
« Reply #1 on: December 31, 2018, 05:35:26 pm »
Goodness that was a lot of words to explain something very simple.

The answer is yes, children still require a lot of guidance. Some are better then other, but what you are going through isnít abnormal. Just keep on them.

Try an incentive chart, some people find success with that.

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Re: Reminding kids constantly-blended family
« Reply #2 on: December 31, 2018, 05:49:40 pm »
They're kids.  They have to be reminded, yes, even hourly, of what they need to do when it comes to chores.   Chores aren't the first thing on a child's mind. 

IMO, when you start wondering if you should have even had children because they are upsetting your 2nd husband, you have a husband problem, not a child problem. 


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Re: Reminding kids constantly-blended family
« Reply #3 on: December 31, 2018, 05:57:05 pm »
Kids are kids.  I would worry about your house, not your ex husband's.  Your husband honestly sounds like a jerk who shouldn't have married a woman with kids.

I really can't imagine thinking I would be better off if I never had my children.  Shame on you!

Maybe let your ex have custody.  It sounds like they would be better off.

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Re: Reminding kids constantly-blended family
« Reply #4 on: January 02, 2019, 12:40:04 pm »
They are 6 and 10, not 16 and 20. Yes, you need to remind them. They are c-h-i-l-d-r-e-n. What you need to do is called parenting. Kids don't raise themselves.


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Re: Reminding kids constantly-blended family
« Reply #5 on: January 02, 2019, 03:20:02 pm »
Children need reminding.
You donít have an ex problem. You donít have a kid problem. You have a husband problem.


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Re: Reminding kids constantly-blended family
« Reply #6 on: January 02, 2019, 09:15:18 pm »
You do have a husband problem.


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Re: Reminding kids constantly-blended family
« Reply #7 on: January 07, 2019, 12:11:03 pm »
Yeah itís a husband problem not a kid problem. You need to get rid of him.

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