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Author Topic: Teen son's ex is stalking him  (Read 94 times)

Vivian

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Teen son's ex is stalking him
« on: April 07, 2019, 06:22:17 pm »
Hey, ladies.  I'm new to the forum.  I was actually looking for CM because I frequented it years ago but looks like it's gone.  Well... I need to vent or get advice and that lead me here.  I apologize... it's long.  I'll try to sum it up but feel free to ask for more details on any of it.

So, my son is a freshman, 15 y/o.  He dated a girl for about 5 months who is a sophomore.  Nothing too out of the ordinary, so we thought.  Outside of school it was just the phone and he went to her house 2 times for a couple of hours.  He's a good kid.  Respectful and kind.  He does fancy himself a Romeo, though and is always "in love" with his gf's. 

He came home the day after Valentine's day saying he broke up with this girl.  That she had "cheated" on him.  She proceeded to mssg me, his dad, his bio mom and his grandma to tell us all that she "didn't cheat on him, she was raped" by another boy student.  I was surprised at this and started the conversations with my son at this point to dig deeper.  We've never seen any red flags so we don't really check his social media, etc. 

He said she was "making it up".  It's okay that he broke up with her, but just in case this wasn't "made up" (I'm beginning to believe it was at this point) I had so SERIOUS talks with him on how to handle the breakup, such as not contributing to rumors that might be spread about her, being kind even if they were broken up.  Had him watch a doc on girls who were assaulted to make sure he understood that he should be empathetic.  Boy... did all of this backfire, in hindsight. 

Soon after the breakup she began manipulation tactics that I realize now.  She followed him around crying all the time, skipped classes to find him, harassed him through any means (tons of other kid's phones, IM's, FB, etc).  She told him she was going to kill herself if he didn't maintain a relationship with her.  Actually, she told many kids that and was taken to the mental hospital for a day.  At first I was horrified and worried about her and contacted her parents to make sure they knew she was possibly going to hurt herself!  Now I feel it was a manipulation tactic. 

She's inserted herself into every aspect of his life that she can, his friend circle, etc.  Now I can see that she has actively played on people's empathy and guilt to try to alienate him from them.  I wouldn't have believed that someone so young could be so skilled in manipulation, but she is pretty good at it.  Per her stepmom, she actually was hurt by a close relative in the past.  Which probably explains her behaviors now a little bit. 

With this every day constant barrage of emotional attacks on him (and a range of other things), he has buckled and started talking to her, twice.  Just realized it this past Friday when she tried to video chat him and I was holding his phone for some reason. 

The thing is... he doesn't like her.  Not at all.  He feels so pressured that he eventually just gives in.  We've had pretty open communication with him about all of this, and he seems so relieved when we pro actively try to stop it amongst the adults and he doesn't have to shoulder it alone.  So when she called, I answered and asked her politely to stop contacting him.  She said ok.  She contacted him again the next day on his school email (which he can't block her on).  He showed it to me.  I typed back saying not to contact him again.   I didn't see her response to me until late last night.  I attached a shot of it, sorry about the crap editing job. 

I sent all the screenshots I had to her parents and wrote a pretty length message (go figure, eh?) and they've seen it but have absolutely no response.  I'm frustrated!!!  Considering an eventual restraining order. 

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Shadow_lark

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Re: Teen son's ex is stalking him
« Reply #1 on: April 07, 2019, 06:32:41 pm »
I would document everything and ask that she be removed from any classes they might have together and then follow up with a restraining order for every other situation. Also I would get in contact with the police so that there is a record of documentation of the harassment.

Vivian

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Re: Teen son's ex is stalking him
« Reply #2 on: April 07, 2019, 06:52:03 pm »
I think the plan of attack is firstly to contact school admin, again.  They don't have classes together but she seeks him out before school and between classes.  I have all the screenshots from the past couple of months and also the mssgs I've sent her parents asking them for cooperation so we could keep them apart in a healthy manner.  Doesn't seem like they are taking any real concern at this point.  Her stepmom actually works for the school.  I'm a little worried that the police may not feel it's enough for them to grant a RO, but she has filed charges against a kid before (the kid who "raped" her, and who she is now bragging about to other kids, stating that he took her virginity and the size of his personal parts).  But that boy was removed from the school and I'm concerned that it was false allegations.  She told my son about a month ago that her parents were considering a RO against HIM!  He has been absolutely clear over and over that he wants nothing to do with her, she's just not taking no for an answer.  I'm a little leery that she may try to put out false charges on him for some reason.  At least filing a complaint is a start. 

*Edit:  I contacted her parents after she tried to scare him by saying they were going to get a RO on him and the exact words her stepmom responded with were, "Don't believe a word that comes out of her mouth!". 
« Last Edit: April 07, 2019, 07:00:17 pm by Vivian »

PiscesFishy

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Re: Teen son's ex is stalking him
« Reply #3 on: April 12, 2019, 03:30:31 pm »
I would not speculate whether she was raped by the other boy  or not. That is neither here nor there. Its ubfortubate 9f she was. Point is he (your son)  no longer wants to continue a relationship with her. You need to document everything. He needs to cut off complete contact. Don't bend. Never respond. Ghost her ass. Change number even. Ask school if he can get a new email address. If he can switch schools I'd consider it. He'll, I'd even get a camera door bell. Make sure to save all the messages with him asking her to leave him alone. 

Big one here. Until your sure she's gotten the point make sure you document where he is every day and night. That way if she presses false charges you can say bitch no, he was (insert location).  You want an unbreakable alibi.

Heifers be cray.

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