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Author Topic: Lessons I needed to learn  (Read 123 times)

bubbs

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Lessons I needed to learn
« on: December 05, 2018, 09:00:05 pm »
I have been thinking about the lessons I have learned during my marriage and now still waiting for my divorce to finalize.

I learned that I need to trust my ďgutĒ.  I knew going into the marriage it wasnít right.  We got into a screaming fight when I said we should wait.
I listened to him, instead of listening to myself. Iím going to try to listen to me. 

I learned that I donít want another relationship for a long time.  Itís just not worth it to me.  I have to focus on me and my kids. Love and marriage isnít for everyone. 

And screaming, yelling, calling names, threatening suicide,  breaking and throwing things is abuse. And I will never tolerate anyone doing that to me or my children ever again.





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Akmom25

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Re: Lessons I needed to learn
« Reply #1 on: December 05, 2018, 09:24:07 pm »

And screaming, yelling, calling names, threatening suicide,  breaking and throwing things is abuse. And I will never tolerate anyone doing that to me or my children ever again

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Seems to me, that is the most important lesson you could have learned.
So you are already ahead of the game.


Angie

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Re: Lessons I needed to learn
« Reply #2 on: December 05, 2018, 11:25:57 pm »
Maybe you should learn to take things slow, keep your legs closed and spent time getting to know the person first. (...and save the stupid bullshit about knowing him through your ex husbands friendship with
him) You married a guy you didn't even love, know on a deep personal level and weren't sure you wanted to spend with for rest of your with... How stupid is that? Learn not to be an idiot.

bubbs

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Re: Lessons I needed to learn
« Reply #3 on: December 06, 2018, 04:41:17 am »
Maybe you should learn to take things slow, keep your legs closed and spent time getting to know the person first. (...and save the stupid bullshit about knowing him through your ex husbands friendship with
him) You married a guy you didn't even love, know on a deep personal level and weren't sure you wanted to spend with for rest of your with... How stupid is that? Learn not to be an idiot.

Thanks for reinforcing that I was an idiot.  I donít deny I screwed up. 
I was single for the first time in 23 years and
I was looking to fill a void.  I didnít give myself a chance to be alone. My doubts didnít come from a lack of love or knowledge of him. My doubts came from his treatment of me.
I need to be on my own for a long time.
Iím definitely not looking for anyone else for a relationship.   Lesson learned.   



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Brainysmurf

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Re: Lessons I needed to learn
« Reply #4 on: December 06, 2018, 06:41:46 am »
Life is never perfect, no one's is. We've all made mistakes and we all will continue to make mistakes. The key is learning from them and trying not to repeat the mistakes we've already made. It seems to me that you're looking honesty at your marriage, learning from it and choosing to not repeat mistakes made. That, to me, deserves praise. I'm sorry you went through it because I hate when people's faith is shaken but I'm very glad it's taught you a valuable lesson about yourself. Good for you, I'm proud of you.
if you don't think, you drown.

Angie

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Re: Lessons I needed to learn
« Reply #5 on: December 06, 2018, 08:32:26 am »
Maybe you should learn to take things slow, keep your legs closed and spent time getting to know the person first. (...and save the stupid bullshit about knowing him through your ex husbands friendship with
him) You married a guy you didn't even love, know on a deep personal level and weren't sure you wanted to spend with for rest of your with... How stupid is that? Learn not to be an idiot.

Thanks for reinforcing that I was an idiot.  I donít deny I screwed up. 
I was single for the first time in 23 years and
I was looking to fill a void.  I didnít give myself a chance to be alone. My doubts didnít come from a lack of love or knowledge of him. My doubts came from his treatment of me.
I need to be on my own for a long time.
Iím definitely not looking for anyone else for a relationship.   Lesson learned.   



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Posting about getting rid of an asshole ex on facebook being an upgrade shows the lack of love you feel towards him. A person that loves someone doesn't look embarrass them even after a spilt.Something tells me you're no picnic to live with, you're not innocent and you're not the person he thought you were behind closed doors too. Take responsibility for your own part in this broken marriage.

bubbs

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Re: Lessons I needed to learn
« Reply #6 on: December 06, 2018, 08:46:47 am »
Maybe you should learn to take things slow, keep your legs closed and spent time getting to know the person first. (...and save the stupid bullshit about knowing him through your ex husbands friendship with
him) You married a guy you didn't even love, know on a deep personal level and weren't sure you wanted to spend with for rest of your with... How stupid is that? Learn not to be an idiot.

Thanks for reinforcing that I was an idiot.  I donít deny I screwed up. 
I was single for the first time in 23 years and
I was looking to fill a void.  I didnít give myself a chance to be alone. My doubts didnít come from a lack of love or knowledge of him. My doubts came from his treatment of me.
I need to be on my own for a long time.
Iím definitely not looking for anyone else for a relationship.   Lesson learned.   



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Posting about getting rid of an asshole ex on facebook being an upgrade shows the lack of love you feel towards him. A person that loves someone doesn't look embarrass them even after a spilt.Something tells me you're no picnic to live with, you're not innocent and you're not the person he thought you were behind closed doors too. Take responsibility for your own part in this broken marriage.

Oh I was completely angry, memes are not a measure of my love. 
I take responsibility for my part in everything. Just because I donít proclaim it here, doesnít mean Iím not working through my own parts in the disaster.  I am not blameless at all.  No one can beat me up more than I beat up myself. 

I wasnít great, I hold grudges and was super possessive over my children.  But since the police didnít need to intervene on his behalf because he wasnít safe and other things I choose not to mention.  We could have worked through what issues I had.  There were things that were abusive and deal breakers that I would have moved the world to fix.  The choice to divorce was the hardest of my life.  I love him but I had to love my children and myself more

And donít stalk my Facebook itís creepy


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bubbs

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Re: Lessons I needed to learn
« Reply #7 on: December 06, 2018, 08:59:23 am »
Life is never perfect, no one's is. We've all made mistakes and we all will continue to make mistakes. The key is learning from them and trying not to repeat the mistakes we've already made. It seems to me that you're looking honesty at your marriage, learning from it and choosing to not repeat mistakes made. That, to me, deserves praise. I'm sorry you went through it because I hate when people's faith is shaken but I'm very glad it's taught you a valuable lesson about yourself. Good for you, I'm proud of you.

I admit I made a mistake. And Iím going to do everything not to do that again.  I jumped in with my heart and fear and loneliness and looked to someone else to fill something I should have filled myself. 
Iím in therapy, I want to be the best version of me I can be. 
Thereís no more sense in feeling shame, I just have been pulling myself up and moving forward. Slowly but forward. 
Iím not perfect, Iím never going to be.  All I can do is try & learn.  Thank you for your support


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Coffeechoco12

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Re: Lessons I needed to learn
« Reply #8 on: December 06, 2018, 12:15:18 pm »
Yep always trust your gut! Hope life gets better here on out

Chow

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Re: Lessons I needed to learn
« Reply #9 on: December 06, 2018, 04:20:26 pm »
Bubbs, is there a chance this person who has so much insight on you and your Facebook knows you in real life? Perhaps your ex or one of his cronies?

bubbs

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Re: Lessons I needed to learn
« Reply #10 on: December 06, 2018, 05:25:01 pm »
Bubbs, is there a chance this person who has so much insight on you and your Facebook knows you in real life? Perhaps your ex or one of his cronies?

Could be someone who knows enough about me to see public posts on FB.  Because that one was awhile ago when I was still angry. My ex doesnít even know this exists. 


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LuckyEightWow

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Re: Lessons I needed to learn
« Reply #11 on: December 06, 2018, 08:16:31 pm »
Creepy stalker needs to get a life.

Beyond that, we all fuck up somewhere along lifeís journey. Live and learn, thatís all we can do.


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